Makes Me Wonder (But not in a Maroon Five or Kenny Chesney sort of way)

Overwhelmed. That is how I feel at times. Not to the point of depression (although my dad and I have discussed how depression has been a part of our family for generations) I don't think, but then again denial is usually first the sign that you have something. :-)

And . . . I do believe that depression is real and it is more of a "fix" than most believers will say. I do grow a little weary and annoyed at people who say, "just pray about it; spend more time in Scripture; etc. and everything will work out okay." Sounds good and all but I believe depression is more than just a "spiritual fix". There are too many physiological issues going on inside of us. I know that we don't tell cancer sufferers to just spend more time in the Bible and prayer and that cancer will go away, so I am not sure why we thing depression is less than a similar type of illness or challenge. (Enough rant on that.)

I know Jesus drew away from the crowds. I know he suffered and needed to be alone with the Father and because of His example, I know that is something I need to do as well. I enjoy being around people and I enjoy being away from people. Not because I don't like people, but because sometimes being around people is overwhelming. I think that is one reason I have enjoyed running and now triathlons is because it gives me some alone time. I have spent many hours on foot; in the water; and on a bike just enjoying being alone. And, I enjoy the time alone to pray and wrestle some things out with God. I have been known to do some of these things out loud while exercising: singing, praying, praising and even hollering at God. I have laughed and cried many times and have been angry and sad too while exercising.

I have wondered many times about many different things. Most of the time I wonder about my own worthiness. Have I done enough? Am I doing enough? Should I spend time swimming, riding and running when I could be ministering more? Should I spend money on things? Should I go on this trip? Should I be more intentional about this or that?

Am I doing enough? When will I ever stop struggling with the same sinful thoughts? When will I truly love my enemies (or even some folks that I don't put at enemy status, but I just don't like 'em.)

For many years I have thought about these things and I have learned that it is not based upon what I do or what I have done, but based upon what Christ has already done. I am thankful for this reminder mostly recently shared this past weekend as we celebrated Easter. It is hard to unlearn some patterns of thinking. In fact, I can't on my own, and thankfully I don't have to do it on my own. It just involves surrender. And for me, its seems like constant surrender many times a day.

I don't have to wonder if He really loves me, but I can easily fall into that trap of "am I doing enough, that He would love me?" My prayer continues to be, "Lord, teach me to surrender to you completely."

The Secret Life of Pets

We saw this preview last night. Sure looks like it could be pretty funny. I am thinking this is pretty accurate. Enjoy.

How Much Does It Cost?

One of my favorite memories of being a dad while Shelbi and Morgan were young girls, were the times that they would take their own money to the store to buy something. Most of the time it involved something Barbie but sometimes it would be something like rocks. You know those bins of rocks that were so mesmerizing for young eyes. So many small things in a various array of colors. It was always a "fun" time trying to help the girls understand their options based upon the amount of money they had to spend or the packable space still left in the '95 Saturn. (Still driving that beast by the way! I know you are jealous.) Invariably, the question, "How much does it cost, daddy?" followed by, "Do I have enough?" Sometimes when they did not have enough, I would make sure that they were covered. It's what we dads do sometimes.

It was in those times that I realized that I was investing in their lives not only for the "here and now," but in hopefully helping them to understand the importance of anticipating how much something was going to cost them as they grew and developed.

I have been rather mum on the state of US affairs in the last few weeks, not because I did not have an opinion, but because I have been thinking, meditating and calculating some of the costs of many different things. Costs like:

• What will it cost me in friends if I post this or that thought?
• What will it cost others around me who by me stating my opinions will cost them something?
• What are the costs that are yet to be realized because others have made decisions that I do not agree with but effect others and myself?
• Are the costs I imagine to be legitimate or are they contrived in my mind to fit a particular agenda that I want to see realized that may differ from yours or others?
• What will it cost in the short run?
• What will it cost in the long run?
• What will it cost me in reputation or future social profitability?

These all sound like noble and worthy things for me to ponder, consider and calculate. I am a practical sense kind of guy. I am also most times very self-centered and quietly manipulative. I usually have opinions on things that in my mind really matter. I am the INFJ personality type. I like to be right. But quite honestly, sometimes I am right in the wrong way, if that makes sense.

I still do not know what all the recent Supreme Court decisions will mean for us as a nation. I do know that God has never put a prerequisite on loving those He has created. I do know that God has called me to the ministry of reconciliation as found in 2 Corinthians 5:16-21. I also know that my sin cost Christ His very life. He alone has the right to judge and the right to do as He chooses. I know that as a follower of Christ, He has called me to love and to be filled with GRACE and TRUTH. That is hard for me. I cannot do it on my own and God knew that so He gave His Son and provides His Holy Spirit to lead and guide me. Christ's death is a huge cost because of my sin. He made the One who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (v.21)

I can't get my mind around that incredible cost, but I am grateful. Because of my sin, the wrath of God could only be satisfied by Him taking His Own and sacrificing Him because I could not cover the cost. That is the message I want to be guilty of sharing with whoever, wherever, whenever.

That's not too high a price for me to pay. "Daddy, do I have enough?" No son you don't. You never will. But through my Son, I've got you covered."